TTC Sucks!

I am looking forward to my dr. appt. more than ever now with this last cycle coming and going like it did. I can at least get my testing started.

Class is going pretty good except for the fact that I was reading chapter 3: "Reproduction, Heredity and Genetics, and Prenatal Development". I was reading yesterday (like a good little student) and game to section about Birth Control Methods. A subsection of it was titled "Abortion". So, as if I wasn't depressed enough with the TTC process with the onset of the evil bitch yesterday morning, I read this statistic:

"The statistic is astonishing: 43 percent of American women will have an abortion in their lifetime, if current rates are sustained. Roughly 1.4 million women have abortions each year - 89 percent before the 12th week of gestation. 82 percent are unmarried or separated, and 44 percent have had at least one previous abortion."

So, seeing this made me cry even more. I felt so bad for J, because I was losing it yesterday. I cried most of the day. That stupid section went on to explain more detail of late termination of a pregnancy. I told J, that if it comes down to the fact that we can't have a baby, instead of adoption, we can always go stand out in front of an abortion clinic and offer someone money to give us their baby! We would be saving a life, and enriching ours all at the same time.

Then, today, I decided to look into J's insurance, which is my secondary insurance, to see what it would cover as far as infertility testing. I couldn't find anything in the benefit coverage package that had the words "fertility" or "infertility". But, it did say that "Termination of Pregnancy" was fully covered. What the fuck is that? Can someone explain that to me?

I decided that I would just call the insurance company and ask about infertility. I was told that the testing would be covered, even if it relates to infertility. My insurance doesn't do that. If it is coded infertility...then I am shit out of luck. Thank goodness J added me on to his in October. Anyway, back to the topic at hand...I was told that the insurance would cover diagnostic testing and office visits. If a medical condition is found, it would cover the treatment of that condition, but it would not cover "actual procedures to help me get pg". So, if I can't do it on my own, the insurance will not cover IUI, IVF, GIFT, etc... But, in April, I am switching my insurance to our PHP coverage and that will cover 60% of "infertility services." Well, open enrollment in April, but it won't take effect until July 1. So, I guess I have one good thing to look forward to. But, then again....it is not as if we are in a financial position right now to even have to pay 40% of those procedures. I guess we will just have to wait and see what the dr. says on Thursday.

Why is it so hard to be optimistic about the things that mean so much to you?

*This is a quick add-on, because I have been thinking about a lot of things today. When I put the abortion statistic, I hope that I did not offend anyone. Believe me, I don't discuss religion or politics. Everyone has their own beliefs and they are entitled to them, but it just upsets me to see that there is actually that high of a number of abortions performed every year. There are women out there who try everything that they can to have a baby and their end result is they never do. There are women out there that are unable to have children and I know that they would have made the best mothers that any child could ever ask for.

Motherhood is a joy that some may never know. I would never wish that on anyone. Tonight, like every night, a special prayer will go out for all of my friends here in blogland that they get that little miracle that they so deserve.*