Why do I torture myself? I was looking to see if they had the fertility monitor test sticks on the Target website and I ended up looking at maternity clothes, cribs, bassinets, and all of the good stuff that you can get for yourself and your baby. I don't know why I do that, especially at work. I go off into some litte fantasy world with the whole "when I have my baby, I'm going to...." You can finish that sentence.
So FF gave me my cross hairs today. I am kind of leary of them. I don't see it, my chart is just plain stupid. The BD thing wasn't exactly timed quite right either. So, they give me a test date of March 6. So, as I was looking at my chart, I got rather depressed. It seems that my cycle is on average 33 days. Ok, no big deal, but here are the things that concern me with it: I will have a 10 day lp (sucky....sucky....sucky!) The thing that bothers me the worst....if this cycle is 33 days, then AF may be showing up on the 1 year anniversary of my m/c. Yep...that's right. We are fast approaching that dreaded date! It is kind of ironic and funny in a fucked up kind of way, because the girl that got pg at the same time as me (we were due 2 days apart)...the day she was giving birth to her baby (c-section), I had that evil bitch AF show up. So now, why not have her pay me a visit on the same day that I lost my baby a year ago.
Sorry that this post is so....well, I just feel bitter and shitty today! Maybe I should just "relax" and quit thinking about getting pg. I am sure that putting so much pressure on myself and letting the TTC consume my life isn't healthy for me. Well, you know what....Fuck that!!!! I don't really care. Sitting around eating a shitload of unhealthy crap isn't really good for me either, but I don't care. Actually, I brought some grapes and an apple as a snack. Doesn't really matter!
Anyway, I hope that everyone else is having a great day! I guess I should look on the bright side...it is almost Friday!
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3 comments:
I'm sorry you're feeling crappy Chas...we all have days like that.
I hope you like the new graphic...tell me what ya think :)
Chin up...we're all hear for ya lil sis :)
Chasity,
I am so sorry that you are having one of those days. It is so hard to stay away from the when I have a baby.... world. I don't think it is possible to stay away from those. I also don't think it is possible to just "relax" and I am with you I don't care if obsessing about the ttc is good for me. If I wasn't obsesing about that I would just be devestated by what if's.. I hate this whole cycle that we are stuck in. I hope that your day gets better. You are in my thoughts.
Jenna
Sporty...
I do the same thing... I usually do it at about cd 25 when Hope is still alive and kicking....
I also had AF on my EDD ion November... it was really maddening...Seem like when timing is off t is REALLY off.
Feel better tomorrow!
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