Do you really want one????

So, I am at work and I was at break with a couple of the people that I normally hang out with here. Well, one of the people's friends came in to see this person. She had her two little ones with her. Her little is boy is 3 and the little girl is almost 1...I think. Anyway, the lady that I work with told her friend that Chasity is the one that wants a baby. Well, the friend said "Look at this one really good and then tell me if you still want one." Why do they say stupid shit like that?I wanted to scream!

I wanted to say Hell yes I still want one! I want one more than anything in the world! I mean how bad could it be, she had another.

I guess that she had problems getting pg with the first one, but that isn't the point. Here is part of the conversation:

Me: Yes, I want one. The alarm on my clock is going off right now.

Her: Well, you are younger than I am....aren't you?

The person I work with: Yes, she is.

Her: Well, I didn't have my first until I was 36.

Me (in my mind): I don't give a flying fuck how old you were when you had your first one. I want one and I want one now! Maybe I am only 30, but who fucking cares....I have had 1 miscarriage and I am having a hell of a time getting pregnant again. Who's to say if I do, that it will work out. I have done every fucking thing I can think of besides standing on my head while we have TTC sex and then staying there for an hour.

So, now that you have been subjected to the way that I am feeling and thinking right now, I will move on to other things.

Today is CD23. I haven't really noticed any signs of "O". There hasn't been any "fertile" cm (at least that I could tell). I think my ovulation microscope is broke....haven't seen a ferning pattern there (I guess that really doesn't mean anything. I have only seen it once in the matter of months that I have been using the stupid thing.) My temp. hasn't gone up yet...will have to wait and see on that one.

We had TTC sex (well, it was part TTC and part....Hurry...I'm in the mood...let's do it now before the window of opportunity closes) Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I am debating on doing it tonight too since no increase in temp. yet.

So, now I am thinking...maybe I am annovulatory or if I do ovulate this month and my cycle is only 33-34 days, is my lp going to be too short for the little eggie to implant and stay for 40 weeks?

I have been having the weirdest dreams about Chewy. I woke up so freaking depressed this morning. I miss that little dog so damn much! I miss my papa too! I am really worried about his wife. I know that she will be fine, but I hate hearing her so upset and depressed. I love her with all of my heart! You know how it is with family....when they are sad...you are sad!

Well, I guess it is time to get back to work before going home for the day.

By the way....I removed the pics of J and I, just in case someone I know in the real world runs across it.