Just thinking...

Well, tonight I have sat around doing a lot of thinking. I did some things around the house to keep me busy and then I watched the show Lost that J and I have got hooked on.

I have posted about 2 important people that I have recently lost...my papa and my baby dog Chewy. Here are their pics so you know who I am talking about.

Me and my Papa


My baby boy Chewy


Those 2 have meant the world to me. I miss them both so much. It sucks knowing that the only way that I can see them is in my pics and in my mind. I know that they will both always be with me in my heart, but I miss being able to hug them.

Ok, I have to try to deal with that part of my life, so on to the TTC part of my life. I was so excited and yet pissed off this morning and all day for that fact. I had bought one of those saliva microscopes (against J's wishes I might add...he seems to think that it was a waste of money). Anyway, I bought it a couple of months ago and have never got a ferning pattern on it. So, the last couple of days I have been spitting on it since according to my BBT I "O" on CD21 or 22. This morning I got a ferning pattern, or at least I think it was. I haven't had it look like that yet. So, here I am thinking I am fertile and J is out of town working. I called him and told him all about it this morning. I told him that he better pray that I don't "O" until Friday, since I will be seeing him tomorrow night. I also told him that he had better rest up because he is in for the ride of his life.

I had come back to the thinking of, "if it happens, it happens." I don't know what the hell was wrong with me! If it is going to happen, it looks like I am going to have to make it happen. Can you believe that he had the nerve to say to me..."I didn't think that was a priority to you anymore. I thought that you said if it happens then it happens." So, I told him..."when an opportunity like this presents itself, you better know damn well that I am going to jump on it (or him in this case)." Seeing as how I finally got a ferning pattern all of that other shit is now out the window. Damn it, I am going to do everthing I can to get pg and have that family with J that I have been wanting for so long.

So, if you don't see a post on here until Sunday or Monday, it is because tomorrow night I am meeting J at my parents cabin for a long weekend. I am meeting him up there to go deer hunting, but when I am not in the woods, I will be hunting for something else.

Well, I think that is about it for tonight.

Good night.