Coming to terms with grief

I was just sitting here on my lunch break and doing some thinking. With everything that has gone on this year, I have learned what it means to be stricken with grief.....

A lady that I work with sent the following Native American Prayer to me:

I give you this one thought to keep ~

I am with you still ~ I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,

I am the swift, uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not think of me as gone ~

I am with you still ~ in each new dawn.

This prayer has given me a lot to think about. I realize that it is true. I know that no matter where a physical body is....or isn't....the person or animal (a lot like a person to me) is still with me in everything that I see and do. They may not be there to talk to on the phone or curled up beside me on the couch, but they are in my heart and will always remain there.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't already gotten over the grief, I just know that I have to concentrate on my loved ones that are still here with me. I will always love and miss those that I have lost, but I take comfort in the fact that one day I will see them again.

My husband is out of town again for work, and I am certainly unable to work on the baby part of things, and it is extremely depressing being home by myself. I was sitting on the couch last night and our neighbor came over. When he rang the doorbell, I could here my little baby in my head barking to let me know that someone was there. My stomach and my heart sank and I became so nauseous that I could barely finish eating. I look around and I see so many reminders of him. This is going to take me a while to deal with. He was my world. After almost 11 years, it is hard to do day to day tasks without feeling a pain in my heart because he is not there. Hell, I still haven't been able to pick up his food dish. I am working on it....maybe I'll do it tomorrow or the next day....then again, maybe I will do in next week. I think if I leave it there, he is still with me in a sense. I know that isn't healthy....but I am working on it.

To go along with the title of my blog....More or Less, I still think that life sucks right now!